As a stay at home Mom of about 12 years, I have struggled with feelings of self worth. Is what I'm doing making a difference? Will anyone want to hire me again if I have a 20 year gap on my resume? What if something happens to my husband's job and I am called on to help support the family-could I do it? Does anyone think I am valuable? I don't get a paycheck. I don't get promotions. I don't even have annual reviews with a chance to hear some positive feedback.
Over the course of the years, I have heard comments on both sides of the work/stay at home debate. But, recently, some comments I saw on a Facebook post really got to me and so here I find myself. The comments were basically making fun of moms that stay at home: all they do is workout and never really even get dressed in real clothes; they are at the school ALL the time; all they talk about are their kids, etc.; they snub working moms.
Sigh...I can't speak for all stay at home moms, but I can speak for myself. Is it possible you aren't being snubbed, but maybe the mom in her workout clothes feels inferior standing next to you in your business suit? Maybe she is worried you think she is worthless and does nothing all day. Is it possible, without the stay at home mom involved in PTA and school that our schools wouldn't be as great as they are today? Is it possible that the stay at home mom, in fact, sees her job as a full-time mom as that- a job? And she talks about her kids out of a love and a passion for them, the same way you talk about your job? Is it possible that it takes BOTH kinds of moms to make the world go 'round?
I think this work family dilemma is one that will continue for years. I wish that women could learn to have a mutual respect for each other and choices they have made. Why are women our worst critics? In some cases, there is no choice to be made- the mom MUST work. I am happy that my 3 daughters see working women in their business suits at class parties. They are learning that women can have a career and still be attentive to their children. But, I am also happy that I have had the opportunity to spend these years at home with my kids full time.
Ok, let the comments begin. I would really love to hear your thoughts on this one. Keep it respectful, please.
5 comments:
WOW! I know that to a lot women my opinion doesn't count b/c I don't have kids, but I've learned that I don't have to have kids to be encouraging to others. I think that what you do is so admirable! I can't judge either side b/c I know that most women are completely selfless when it comes to their children. One is not better than the other. You can have a mom that stays home, but is so uninvolved with her kids that they end up having a torn relationship with their mom as adults; While you can be a working mom that is incredibly involved with your kids and your job doesn't affect the love you show them. With that said, here are my thoughts about some of the things you specifically mentioned:
I just wonder if it ever occurs to the working mom that "workout clothes" are your work attire for the day. You might have been cleaning or running errands after the gym! Its godly to take care of our bodies, so good for you that you worked out!!! I mean, who cares what we all dress like?!?! If I was a stay at home mom, I'm not going to be shopping in the business-casual section at the mall for all my clothes b/c it would be a waste of money for me to dress like the working mom every day. Now, I do believe that as women its important to dress well and be "put together" b/c it makes us feel better about ourselves and we should want to look nice for our family (especially our husbands....when I'm a mom, I still want to pursue my husband as much as I would want him to pursue me...that's a different topic all together). I just don't think its fair that we judge each other so harshly!
I loved all your points about what the SAHM contributes to schools as well. I loved having my mom at school. I didn't always get to see her b/c she was busy helping, but I loved that she cared enough to be there b/c she could. You would think that moms would be thankful for your helping out since they can't be there.
Both jobs are hard. And, I will go to battle with ANYONE who says that being a full-time SAHM isn't a job! IT IS!
(Okay...it wouldn't let me post my entire thing, so here is the rest).
I think women can be so mean to each other b/c we struggle so easily with our insecurities. And, if we can convince ourselves that someone is doing a poor job at what they are doing then somehow we can also convince ourselves that we are doing a "good job". Saying that SAHMs only workout all day could be an insecurity that the working moms aren't working out...or guilt that they are taking more time away from their kids after work to fit the workout in. And, saying that they spend too much time at the school could be a place they'd love to spend time. This person could just be mad that SAHMs get to do things she can't. But, there's also the other side. How many SAHMs would love to get dressed up every day and have a job that makes them feel like they're "contributing". Make them feel like they're making a difference. Get to go to a place surrounded by adults and not children all day.
It can be viewed from both sides. Are either side wrong? That's not for any of us to judge. I think that is a personal conviction of what God has specifically called you to do. As long as you are being obedient to what He is telling you to do, then you are doing the right thing.
Amanda, I just want to encourage you that you are doing an incredible job. It may not be measurable to you. You may not see the difference b/c you are in it every single day. My mom loves you and your family! I hear such wonderful things all the time. Moms are the least rewarded people YET have the biggest rewards in their children! I have a feeling if you asked your mom about motherhood, she'd say it was tough and she questioned what she was doing almost everyday, but I can also say that she's so proud of you and your sisters!!!! And, she contributed to your lives and made a difference!!!
We live in a fallen world. You won't be able to be the perfect mom. If you were, your kids wouldn't need Christ! My prayer is that you can take captive the thoughts you've had b/c of the words from FB and lay them at the throne of grace, knowing that you are being obedient to where God has called you. When its time to go back to work, He will open the doors!
Beautiful response! Thank you!
Preach on, Daughter! I am so proud of the women my daughters have become and in awe of the many hats they wear!
AMEN! To each of you! :) I can't imagine someone making fun of the SAHM because I am quite certain the mockers might get a run for their money at the thankless job themselves. Its not a job I ALWAYS love and am certain many couldn't hack it... Being selfless ALL THE TIME is H.A.R.D. I love staying at home and consider myself blessed to be able to do it. I too, would love to get an evaluation stating, "You ROCK at a level 10!" once and awhile! It's like we crave SOMEONE telling us we are doing well. :) Great post! And, yes, I just updated, too! Thanks for checking in on me...
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